My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
