He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
