Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
When are your genitals available?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
