Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I have already put on my inside pants.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
