Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
