This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
