We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
