Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
