i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
