Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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