3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
