Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
