Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
