i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
