hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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