just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
