It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
