you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
