It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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