So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
