you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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