I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
