this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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