im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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