lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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