girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
