I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
