that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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