Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
