im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
