New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
