I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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