Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
