whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
