Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
