Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
