Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
