I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
