if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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