oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
two words: eviction party
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
