I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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