There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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