Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
