Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
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