she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
