The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
