I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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