Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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