my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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