Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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