I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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