your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We don't watch enough power rangers
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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