I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
is wine microwaveable?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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