I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
