she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
