my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
