Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
