I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
